Celeste would be arriving, within the next day. He had had to come up with an idea for why he looked different. How on Earth do you ever explain to someone that you are an alchemical scientist. Is there even an explanation for that. He didn't know why he was here on this Earth, but he was here, and he didn't think he was going anywhere anytime soon. He'd held up for several hundred years, and had the fangs to prove it.
He'd had an emotional breakdown after acquiring the new body, because, even though the scars, the malformities, and general basic appearance had morphed into another, he realized that what happened to that flesh would always be a part of him. This had resulted in some painful moments before the fountain that was lit within, amongst his rose garden, upon the concrete bench. Some of his tics, and his dementia had healed. It was tough being this old. But he had a lot to live for. Was he taking it for granted, as if he was owed all of this? The vast properties, his lovers, and the friends that resided with him, and the work that they did below? It was almost as though there were multiple hims performing each of these duties. One man loved, one man killed, one did the experiments, and one tended the property and it's ancient artifacts. It was time to erase all of that, and make them all him. He had healed himself, physically, at least. Youth invigorated his ancient flesh, and he marveled at how his skin was glowing, and how strong he felt, even when just resting, and his senses were hypersensitive, the blood he had consumed and life force had him in a state of euphoria.
This fractured consciousness, however, had always been troublesome to Alastair, as if he knew, that if he wasn't careful, he was teetering over the edge. And he was careful, very careful. Sinisterly careful. Kindness was given to friends, and his soldiers that were worth it, but he began to question why he was doing all of this? Whatever was the point? The mansion's yard was filled with age, metaphorically reeking to him of ancient times, and majick that was even older. His lids fell heavy over his eyes, which he had transformed to green. It was the Old World, and he could feel that it was trying to die, or being forced to die, or at least transform. He had transformed, this very night. Growth, that had happened as well. He laughed to himself softly at his thoughts. He never let anyone in, ever. And then there were thoughts of Celeste once more, alerting him. Certainly, it was clear, that someone(s) on the Other Side liked him. A lot.
Seven hundred years, perhaps, could do that to you.
And even longer.
He had pushed himself through into this world again. And he nearly regretted it. Like he had taken another man's life, and pushed his soul into this man's body, sending him spiraling out into whatever, whichever, Alastair didn't give a fuck. Or he hadn't. Not then. Had this all been worth it?
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Within the cemetery gates, after admiring a few statues, he climbed into the arms of one of the angels, and laid there, sitting upon a spread book. A clove hung from his lips, and his eyes were dazed. A few spirits roamed around the edges. And he saw them. It had been a long night, and a hard day, and it was nearing midnight. An angel came to Clover and started speaking to him. He didn't much care for Angels, but he wouldn't reject their help or company. She spoke softly, and subtly. A woman from another world spoke to him as well, guesturing to one of the demons. He sat up suddenly, banging his head onto the Angel (the statue's chin). The alien woman took his hand and took him to one of the spirits on the outer edges of the cemetery. A small brown bag was on his back, which contained a minute amount of his poison, dark liquor. Which had nearly been consumed.
"I shouldn't go, but you're wrenching dragging, shaking me,
The more I give to you, the more I die,
You are the Perfect Drug, The Perfect Drug..."
"I see the truth when I'm all stupid-eyed, you make me hard when I'm all soft inside...
AND I WANT YOU!"
The alien woman pressed her mouth to his lips, and his arms wrapped around her torso. She started walking with him, her reptilian hand clenching his pale white skin. Choppy black hair hung a little past his ears, shaved a bit up his neck, his eyes were green. A four-leaf clover was behind his left ear. She looked for it, it had a deep memory. His eyes met hers, which were hazed with drunkenness and altered consciousness, mostly the latter, he really wasn't a drunkie or anything. His pale lips smiled, and he seemed to stand there, wondering what it was she wanted. Her taloned finger pointed to the moon, and he turned his head. She began to lift his shirt. "Is it a special night?.." He wonders aloud his voice like a whisper.
"No, I just want to hold you." She says and puts her head on his shoulder. She laid on top of him, staring into his green eyes which had a washed-out look to them, barely holding a color at all. She seemed upset. He rolled his head back, searching the sky, as he thinks of what to say. "What's bothering you, hon?" He asks. She spoke to him in another language, but he didn't seem to understand. He loved this woman. They had tons of fun months ago, while he was on a trip, she had a really fun personality. His hands ran over her thighs, clasping her to him at her hips, pressing her to his. She wanted to look through his bag, but that wasn't very polite. He closed his eyes, feeling her breath in his arms. She took a pen and paper out of his bag and started to write, and he yawned, covering his mouth. "Boring you?" She asks. He smiles and snaps out of it. "No.. Tell me what's wrong?" He tries to understand. "Options? You have none? I too don't have options.... Together we can? What are you talking about sweet heart?"
"I want you to live with me," She says, looking at him. "You're my best friend." She says to him, giving him a huge kiss. His eyes opened and he stared into her yellow ones. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her nearer, then gasped at stared at the sky. She started drawing on his chest, drawing symbols. He looked down and laughed, and well, it was all Greek to him. "What's that?" He points to one of them, and she answers him, and he thinks of a star system not-so-far-away, at least to Clover's mind. "Mmm, I missed you. It was so fun when I was tripping. I'd never have done stuff like that with a human. They'd have wanted the music that comes on the radio, and I'd have been too nervous to show them some of the things I showed you.." He trails off wondering what the fuck is wrong with him. "Well, not my friends. They thought they were "cultured" or whatever, drug addicts.." He shrugs. And then his heart hurts a bit. His fingertips ran over her scales, not in the least surprised that he found this woman. Or that she was attractive to him. He pressed his side of his face to the grass, the Earth, starting to come to his senses a bit. "I've been astral projecting a lot. I guess I just wore myself out.." He patted his ribs. "Lost weight...." Not that he'd had all that much to lose.
"I don't think I can live with you." He says, still half truly aware, still in his Clover dream-world. "All of this stuff in reality, I really find it hard to identify with. All of these objects, and technology, and people.. the people are the worst.. Am I just copying off other people saying that? I like animals though." Man he must've had something to drink. He thought he sounded unusual. "You want to live on Earth?" He asks her, curiously, and she shook her head 'no.' "Why?" He asks. "It's ugly," she answers.
"What does your planet look like?" He asks her. "Waterfalls..." She responds. And he had a vision of lots of forested areas. He squeezed her really tightly. It had felt special to him, the telepathy, that he was sure must be common between her species. Saurians.
"Hey alien boy." a demon says walking up to him. Clover rubs his eyes and looks at it. It seems slightly teasing, but in a way a friend would do. "This is Jezebel." Clover says to the male. Manhe wished he could do this in front of other people. Just talk to things that no one else could see. They lived few and far between, folks like that. He thought the government would just kill them if they lived together. He'd seen it happen. Called medication causing suicidal thoughts. His parents had tried a few times but he was like old and shit now. He felt a bit sad suddenly, thinking of friends that hadn't quite made it to be his age. "You miss her don't you?" Asks Jezebel. "Mhmm.." It hurt a lot. "She was a human like me. I could talk to her about this weird stuff. Other humans don't see the things I see. She was different too. And she felt..dead...like me, as well." He frowned regretfully as he thought of her checking her pulse. Clover had thought it was funny. Now it was sad, and proof of a fucked up situation. He still sat up and cried about his friend at night. She was gone. Dead. Whiped off the face of the planet, a stone in the hearts of her friends. The girl had been beautiful, magnetic, and brilliant. Even if she had been sad, she still managed a smile, and had some of the most hilairious jokes. His thoughts winded down a bit.
"I shouldn't go, but you're wrenching dragging, shaking me,
The more I give to you, the more I die,
You are the Perfect Drug, The Perfect Drug..."
"I see the truth when I'm all stupid-eyed, you make me hard when I'm all soft inside...
AND I WANT YOU!"
The alien woman pressed her mouth to his lips, and his arms wrapped around her torso. She started walking with him, her reptilian hand clenching his pale white skin. Choppy black hair hung a little past his ears, shaved a bit up his neck, his eyes were green. A four-leaf clover was behind his left ear. She looked for it, it had a deep memory. His eyes met hers, which were hazed with drunkenness and altered consciousness, mostly the latter, he really wasn't a drunkie or anything. His pale lips smiled, and he seemed to stand there, wondering what it was she wanted. Her taloned finger pointed to the moon, and he turned his head. She began to lift his shirt. "Is it a special night?.." He wonders aloud his voice like a whisper.
"No, I just want to hold you." She says and puts her head on his shoulder. She laid on top of him, staring into his green eyes which had a washed-out look to them, barely holding a color at all. She seemed upset. He rolled his head back, searching the sky, as he thinks of what to say. "What's bothering you, hon?" He asks. She spoke to him in another language, but he didn't seem to understand. He loved this woman. They had tons of fun months ago, while he was on a trip, she had a really fun personality. His hands ran over her thighs, clasping her to him at her hips, pressing her to his. She wanted to look through his bag, but that wasn't very polite. He closed his eyes, feeling her breath in his arms. She took a pen and paper out of his bag and started to write, and he yawned, covering his mouth. "Boring you?" She asks. He smiles and snaps out of it. "No.. Tell me what's wrong?" He tries to understand. "Options? You have none? I too don't have options.... Together we can? What are you talking about sweet heart?"
"I want you to live with me," She says, looking at him. "You're my best friend." She says to him, giving him a huge kiss. His eyes opened and he stared into her yellow ones. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her nearer, then gasped at stared at the sky. She started drawing on his chest, drawing symbols. He looked down and laughed, and well, it was all Greek to him. "What's that?" He points to one of them, and she answers him, and he thinks of a star system not-so-far-away, at least to Clover's mind. "Mmm, I missed you. It was so fun when I was tripping. I'd never have done stuff like that with a human. They'd have wanted the music that comes on the radio, and I'd have been too nervous to show them some of the things I showed you.." He trails off wondering what the fuck is wrong with him. "Well, not my friends. They thought they were "cultured" or whatever, drug addicts.." He shrugs. And then his heart hurts a bit. His fingertips ran over her scales, not in the least surprised that he found this woman. Or that she was attractive to him. He pressed his side of his face to the grass, the Earth, starting to come to his senses a bit. "I've been astral projecting a lot. I guess I just wore myself out.." He patted his ribs. "Lost weight...." Not that he'd had all that much to lose.
"I don't think I can live with you." He says, still half truly aware, still in his Clover dream-world. "All of this stuff in reality, I really find it hard to identify with. All of these objects, and technology, and people.. the people are the worst.. Am I just copying off other people saying that? I like animals though." Man he must've had something to drink. He thought he sounded unusual. "You want to live on Earth?" He asks her, curiously, and she shook her head 'no.' "Why?" He asks. "It's ugly," she answers.
"What does your planet look like?" He asks her. "Waterfalls..." She responds. And he had a vision of lots of forested areas. He squeezed her really tightly. It had felt special to him, the telepathy, that he was sure must be common between her species. Saurians.
"Hey alien boy." a demon says walking up to him. Clover rubs his eyes and looks at it. It seems slightly teasing, but in a way a friend would do. "This is Jezebel." Clover says to the male. Manhe wished he could do this in front of other people. Just talk to things that no one else could see. They lived few and far between, folks like that. He thought the government would just kill them if they lived together. He'd seen it happen. Called medication causing suicidal thoughts. His parents had tried a few times but he was like old and shit now. He felt a bit sad suddenly, thinking of friends that hadn't quite made it to be his age. "You miss her don't you?" Asks Jezebel. "Mhmm.." It hurt a lot. "She was a human like me. I could talk to her about this weird stuff. Other humans don't see the things I see. She was different too. And she felt..dead...like me, as well." He frowned regretfully as he thought of her checking her pulse. Clover had thought it was funny. Now it was sad, and proof of a fucked up situation. He still sat up and cried about his friend at night. She was gone. Dead. Whiped off the face of the planet, a stone in the hearts of her friends. The girl had been beautiful, magnetic, and brilliant. Even if she had been sad, she still managed a smile, and had some of the most hilairious jokes. His thoughts winded down a bit.
Ha Superstition started playing! JUST AS I WAS POSTING MUH PHOTO
There is writing on the wall!
Very suspicious!
*Dances with Aiden*
Very superstitious, wash your face and hands,
Rid me of the problem, do all that you can,
Keep me in a daydream, keep me goin' strong,
You don't wanna save me, sad is my song
When you believe in things that you don't understand,
Then you suffer, Superstition ain't the way, no, no, no
Friday, December 26, 2014
About the "Imagination" part. I don't know about you guise, but I always had more fun by myself... *Looks off somewhere* ANYWAY. MEH. MAN I AM TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO BE WEIRD. But ever since I took acid. (I quit drugs after finally taking the acid, just as I had planned.) I keep thinking about sexual themes and sexual things, and it seems rather healthy. And I feel wonderful, just know I'm going to freak people out. (Like I always do?)
Voice: The Right People Will Come.
Yeah, I sure the fuck hope so... *Takes that in a dirty manner* Meh........ ?
I would never hurt anyone, though. Sighs. Just experiencing a lot of frustration. I feel very desired, but I am not desiring lol. I don't want anyone around me, it seems like. I am an Empath, and those feelings just absorb and bother me a lot. I used to Roleplay a lot, and I played Males, and people would not believe I was female. Don't worry, I don't look like a man. :] Lol. Thankfully, because, that would make my existence even worse.
My spirit lover is making my body feel wonderful. Wonderfuck. HAHAHA. Yus. We were watching Spiritual Enlightenment Videos with Trippy Images and Positive Feminity in them, and it felt like we were high. I have no idea how many times we had sex, but it was pretty intense today. We went out into the yard, and he was flirting with me. So cute, such nervousness, and tenseness. He likes birds, so I suppose he'd have liked to sit there, and under the sun as well in the gazebo. He is here with me always. I'm not sure how this started. I used to RP him and since he's connected to the Internets, lol... Maybe he saw it/heard of me. He said he Loved it. :) <3 Yey. KITTIES. (Btw: I think I am in a government program where they made me a Kitten. Rowr. I am going to change this. Doe. Starting wif some books. Yes. Fear me, I am woman, with books.. *Rolls eyes* Scary, huh... *Makes a joke about society* Bleh. I am a Geeeenius.
Voice: The Right People Will Come.
Yeah, I sure the fuck hope so... *Takes that in a dirty manner* Meh........ ?
I would never hurt anyone, though. Sighs. Just experiencing a lot of frustration. I feel very desired, but I am not desiring lol. I don't want anyone around me, it seems like. I am an Empath, and those feelings just absorb and bother me a lot. I used to Roleplay a lot, and I played Males, and people would not believe I was female. Don't worry, I don't look like a man. :] Lol. Thankfully, because, that would make my existence even worse.
My spirit lover is making my body feel wonderful. Wonderfuck. HAHAHA. Yus. We were watching Spiritual Enlightenment Videos with Trippy Images and Positive Feminity in them, and it felt like we were high. I have no idea how many times we had sex, but it was pretty intense today. We went out into the yard, and he was flirting with me. So cute, such nervousness, and tenseness. He likes birds, so I suppose he'd have liked to sit there, and under the sun as well in the gazebo. He is here with me always. I'm not sure how this started. I used to RP him and since he's connected to the Internets, lol... Maybe he saw it/heard of me. He said he Loved it. :) <3 Yey. KITTIES. (Btw: I think I am in a government program where they made me a Kitten. Rowr. I am going to change this. Doe. Starting wif some books. Yes. Fear me, I am woman, with books.. *Rolls eyes* Scary, huh... *Makes a joke about society* Bleh. I am a Geeeenius.
I am a fucking GOD.
So... I think the stuff I am into is a little strange. I mean, a lot of things make it hard for me to find a partner. I don't even want one most of the time. Sometimes, and I'm wondering if this is a problem with a lot of people, maybe not just ladies, but .... Regression. When we get into a relationship, have sex, Etc, do we revert into our old painful ways, I do wonder? I don't want to do that anymore. I've cut myself off from relationships and people. I have a tendency to be a bit of a Martyr, to be weak, I do feel, and too loving, too caring. I really need to cut back from that and develop healthier attitudes.
I have a spirit lover, and you can blame him for all of this, I am but just playfully. You know I love him if I am teasing him like that. I never tease people unless I like them. I think I need to really put the breaks on myself, doe. If I liked you, I would kick your ass for you. Remembering crushes when I was younger. Punched him in the stomach. Yeah. I don't like men who hit women though. I am a fucking paradox. Meow.
I am highly inappropriate. Meh. Like Marilyn Manson. He says he belongs in his own way, like a veneral disease. Lol I wrote venerable disease. Maybe they are venerable? Who knows. *Dies laughing* Telling you to slow your roll. LOL. Maybe I am like a woman Marilyn manson. And I belong in my own way as well. Like Christmas Garland. Or glitter.
Ook, back to Regression, and you better not blackmail me on this you bitch twat, but I am going to talk about it a bit and flesh my thoughts out some. At first I am all confident, then we get closer, and I'm still confident, but the sex. Meh? Are men like this? Too? I am really lost on that. Maybe it has something to do with trauma and what happened to me in the past. I think about a lot of things that aren't particularly um traditionally sexy? Fucking on the astral planes helps a lot. I wonder if a boyfriend would think that that is cheating? (Do I care? No.) =)
I have a spirit lover, and you can blame him for all of this, I am but just playfully. You know I love him if I am teasing him like that. I never tease people unless I like them. I think I need to really put the breaks on myself, doe. If I liked you, I would kick your ass for you. Remembering crushes when I was younger. Punched him in the stomach. Yeah. I don't like men who hit women though. I am a fucking paradox. Meow.
I am highly inappropriate. Meh. Like Marilyn Manson. He says he belongs in his own way, like a veneral disease. Lol I wrote venerable disease. Maybe they are venerable? Who knows. *Dies laughing* Telling you to slow your roll. LOL. Maybe I am like a woman Marilyn manson. And I belong in my own way as well. Like Christmas Garland. Or glitter.
Ook, back to Regression, and you better not blackmail me on this you bitch twat, but I am going to talk about it a bit and flesh my thoughts out some. At first I am all confident, then we get closer, and I'm still confident, but the sex. Meh? Are men like this? Too? I am really lost on that. Maybe it has something to do with trauma and what happened to me in the past. I think about a lot of things that aren't particularly um traditionally sexy? Fucking on the astral planes helps a lot. I wonder if a boyfriend would think that that is cheating? (Do I care? No.) =)
A Message
Hmm. I checked my fetlife. And I had a message. He's younger than me. But. He is cute. (Which no one is cute to me, ever.) Really tired of looking at my bae and then thinking all of a sudden "You are one ugly [censored.]" I deserve better, someone that I think is attractive.
He wants to be dominated. "Dominate the fuck out of me," He says. Well, I'm wondering, mostly, just playing. Thinking. Doesn't have to be serious, yet. Because I don't want to just screw some random person. How would I feel about this. Ugh I'm such a hyprocrite. A guy having one of those. I wish I could be more open minded. My family imposed a lot of values on me...that I don't agree with. One of my family members said I shouldn't be having sex, HA, before you flip and think something is wrong with me, it has something to do with women supposed to be *frowns as I search for a word* Um.. Well, they speak of being married before you have sex. YEAHH RIGHT. I do not think so! That sounds kinda awful. And I can't give you a reason why. I mean I'm a pretty moral person but that's ridiculous. Well, I have a slight insensitive to work on this a bit more, besides my spirit lover. :) Who was really pushing that I learn about this. Man I might need some liquid confidence. He wants to be dressed in girly clothes? I am interested in doing this stuff real life that I write about. But. I don't even interact with my environment? I don't move. He wants to suck cock? Heh. I am learning not to laugh at people's fantasies. Even though that was what he inboxed me. Meh I don't even know this guy. 5 years younger than me. A: "Sounds like you have feelings for him, baby girl."
Brain speaking: This is not realistic.
Meh I was always disgusted thinking about guys browsing porn and dirty pictures blah blah. Having a profile on sites like those. I get super jealous. I hate to say possessive. I will love you to Death. Mwhahaha. I mean. Smiles. I can't do this at my house. What the fuck. My head is swimming with impossible things. Impossible things. "I'm possible" = "Impossible." Mehhhhh. *slams head into keyboard* I don't even know what some of these toys are. Lol. Southern family. Hah. At least I'm a bit more in the know than some folks.
He wants to be dominated. "Dominate the fuck out of me," He says. Well, I'm wondering, mostly, just playing. Thinking. Doesn't have to be serious, yet. Because I don't want to just screw some random person. How would I feel about this. Ugh I'm such a hyprocrite. A guy having one of those. I wish I could be more open minded. My family imposed a lot of values on me...that I don't agree with. One of my family members said I shouldn't be having sex, HA, before you flip and think something is wrong with me, it has something to do with women supposed to be *frowns as I search for a word* Um.. Well, they speak of being married before you have sex. YEAHH RIGHT. I do not think so! That sounds kinda awful. And I can't give you a reason why. I mean I'm a pretty moral person but that's ridiculous. Well, I have a slight insensitive to work on this a bit more, besides my spirit lover. :) Who was really pushing that I learn about this. Man I might need some liquid confidence. He wants to be dressed in girly clothes? I am interested in doing this stuff real life that I write about. But. I don't even interact with my environment? I don't move. He wants to suck cock? Heh. I am learning not to laugh at people's fantasies. Even though that was what he inboxed me. Meh I don't even know this guy. 5 years younger than me. A: "Sounds like you have feelings for him, baby girl."
Brain speaking: This is not realistic.
Meh I was always disgusted thinking about guys browsing porn and dirty pictures blah blah. Having a profile on sites like those. I get super jealous. I hate to say possessive. I will love you to Death. Mwhahaha. I mean. Smiles. I can't do this at my house. What the fuck. My head is swimming with impossible things. Impossible things. "I'm possible" = "Impossible." Mehhhhh. *slams head into keyboard* I don't even know what some of these toys are. Lol. Southern family. Hah. At least I'm a bit more in the know than some folks.
Ember & Charlotte
After years of dominating people, issuing sadistic punishments, and even ending lives of discarded victims, who at the beginning were disposable bags of flesh to meet the tainting of his psyche, victims that were never intended to be true lovers, or to be brought close to himself, just to his sadistic whims and methods of torture. Ember decided he would try something else now, that he was older. Add something of that element to his lovelife, well, specifically with Charlotte. It would take great need of control.
The ties to people close to his heart still hurt. Missing them, and their curses, their voices, and their personalities. One woman had been in his life for a very long time. How her tongue lavished him with compliments, but sadly, most of it went understood. That he was a chosen one? And for what? A tool song ran through his mind, of how Maynard claimed to have been told he was a chosen one, "to deliver a message" to the people who heard him, and a warning for those who didn't. Whatever that meant. He found his mind ran off to tangents, and he longed to expand his horizons, and his thoughts to more, but there was a blockage in his mind. A blockage towards arcane memories, occultic fantasies, towards the magickal things that gave him bliss. In it also were disasters, catastrophies of war, and the pain that limited him. Memories of war, of explosions that had nearly taken his life, his overworked and tired adrenaline gland from all of the fighting that he had taken part in. Was it a fantasy that this could be a source of relief? And what was therapy to be for a demon of his nature? A fellow who had been given a chance upon the Earth, with blood of ancients coursing through him that could perhaps awaken him, and bring him closer to the divine. It was almost like it wasn't supposed to happen. Almost as if he'd never supposed to have been so very daring, to have opened these doors, met these people, or to have found his book, which felt like a loving letter from a dear friend. He wondered if it had manifested of it's own accord, to stop him, to sate him, the sadistic monster that lived in his head, cold and calculating and pushy, and disasterously indulgent. But he had incredible trouble with it, more than at all seemed realistic, and it tended to move and do things by itself. He was totally used to it. Had become way too adjusted to such phenomenon.
Perhaps that stemmed from being a Prince. Long ago. His home now was a much more modest version of this. Almost as if refuged from the remnants of war. "A man running from himself," Charlotte said, her dark, thick voice capturing his attention, as if feeling the waves of her tones through his body. She seemed to narrate around him, locked in her world, which seemed, he hated to say it, more spiritual than his own. He shivered a bit under her gaze.
Charlotte stood there, her green eyes brimming with some unknown emotion to him. Her hands cupped a candle, her posture straight and tall with boots on her feet. Long, elegant sleeves hugged her forearms, the rest of it leaving her body up to the imagination. A small piece of material went around her waist as a belt. Flashes of her soft skin ran through his mind. Her eyes turned golden, She was ethereal, a truly magick woman. As she perceived the smile on his lips, her own lips turned into a smile, fangs peering from her glossed black lips. Her eyes were large, inquistive but deeply wise. He had not a clue what she was doing, but he trusted her, and wanted to take a journey with her. She fascinated him. Her old ways, older than his own, which were quite nature based. He truly wished to know what it was she spoke of, but she seemed to keep things vague, as if she were probing his mind. It was like he had a magickal creature captive in his room. Rather, he was her captive. His green eyes were mildly sedate, his eyelids half lidded, watching this woman, his vampiric maker so long ago. Decades ago. Music played, taking his mind to fantasies, fantasies of her and him. She placed the candle on his dresser, near to his book. It opened by itself, flipping to pages of it's own accord. Stuff like this happened to him all the time, he hardly knew to appreciate it or it's signs, he was a 7, solitary, and grounded, aloof in this material world.
He wanted to ask her about that night suddenly. "Charlotte, you came for me that night," His voice was a low mumble. A man with such anxieties felt very good, almost secure in the bonds she had made. She lunged onto the bed, and he felt her hunger, his own body very lean, yet muscular, and wanting to feed her appetite, but there was a strange clash when they met, as if they were from two different worlds, and it was hard to get through, to speak to her.
Her hand rummaged through his nightstand and she slipped a mask over his eyes, her hand moving through his long red, coppery hair. It settled softly onto his face, vast disappointment filling him, no longer able to perceive her, at least with the eye. But he relaxed into the feeling. Charlotte could smell the Earth upon him, how it loved her Ember. She giggled, and his heart beat, wanting to know what had captured her mind. They felt a similiar coldness, but how it burned when they were together, the ice in their hearts becoming more like a flame. He turned his head to her, but of course couldnt see, relying on psychic ability instead. "Tell me." He insisted. Her hand moved to his heart, and she nibbled softly on his ear. He could feel the directions her mind pulled in, all of them, but he felt on a steady path, a path that was crumbling beneath his feet. "You knew me, you chose me." A giggle of delight left Charlotte, and she admired him, there naked before her, fastened to the bed by her hands with rope. She turned her eyes to his face, which swirled with colors.
"Yes I did." The psychic power in her voice cut through his mentality, which often seemed to wish to escape the Earth. Their connection was sacred to him. Fantasies of intensifying it passed through his head. Cravings to touch her but he could not. He moved a little, breathing slowly, a behaviour that seemed almost alien to him. He could imagine why she had stayed away. He had been violent, a murderer, and more, all negative, which now felt to be a bane to his heart. Drugs had consumed him for many years, even the buying and selling of bodies, prostitutes and slaves alike, prostitutes in which he had owned, and some of his slaves hadn't lived to tell the tale. A smug smirk was on his face, but chills and tremors passed through him slightly. He hated to admit it to himself, but he was almost scared of her power, but in an excited manner, which looked forward to it.
Ugh, his eyes rolled beneath the mask. Whatever was she doing. He felt her hands upon his chest. His breathing came hard. Pleasure coming from his lips, her sharp nails scratching against his chest. "Come on." She stared at him knowingly.
"I did choose you. And not for your looks." She said, her voice like silver, and just as magickal. He grinned. "It was you..From before." She sat onto his chest, drawing up her dress to expose her thighs, and slid down him very slowly. He rolled his head back a bit. Her fingers traced patterns on his chest.
"Yeah, we knew each other before.. My head is filled with tradegy, and torture, and pain.... You know it's all fractured Charlotte.."
"Mhmm.." And he badly wanted to look into her eyes at the tone of her voice, and she surprised him as she lifted the mask. Then he wondered what the fuck had she done? His heart beat wildly out of control. "Oh relax, just trying to help." She nibbled her lip.
The ties to people close to his heart still hurt. Missing them, and their curses, their voices, and their personalities. One woman had been in his life for a very long time. How her tongue lavished him with compliments, but sadly, most of it went understood. That he was a chosen one? And for what? A tool song ran through his mind, of how Maynard claimed to have been told he was a chosen one, "to deliver a message" to the people who heard him, and a warning for those who didn't. Whatever that meant. He found his mind ran off to tangents, and he longed to expand his horizons, and his thoughts to more, but there was a blockage in his mind. A blockage towards arcane memories, occultic fantasies, towards the magickal things that gave him bliss. In it also were disasters, catastrophies of war, and the pain that limited him. Memories of war, of explosions that had nearly taken his life, his overworked and tired adrenaline gland from all of the fighting that he had taken part in. Was it a fantasy that this could be a source of relief? And what was therapy to be for a demon of his nature? A fellow who had been given a chance upon the Earth, with blood of ancients coursing through him that could perhaps awaken him, and bring him closer to the divine. It was almost like it wasn't supposed to happen. Almost as if he'd never supposed to have been so very daring, to have opened these doors, met these people, or to have found his book, which felt like a loving letter from a dear friend. He wondered if it had manifested of it's own accord, to stop him, to sate him, the sadistic monster that lived in his head, cold and calculating and pushy, and disasterously indulgent. But he had incredible trouble with it, more than at all seemed realistic, and it tended to move and do things by itself. He was totally used to it. Had become way too adjusted to such phenomenon.
Perhaps that stemmed from being a Prince. Long ago. His home now was a much more modest version of this. Almost as if refuged from the remnants of war. "A man running from himself," Charlotte said, her dark, thick voice capturing his attention, as if feeling the waves of her tones through his body. She seemed to narrate around him, locked in her world, which seemed, he hated to say it, more spiritual than his own. He shivered a bit under her gaze.
Charlotte stood there, her green eyes brimming with some unknown emotion to him. Her hands cupped a candle, her posture straight and tall with boots on her feet. Long, elegant sleeves hugged her forearms, the rest of it leaving her body up to the imagination. A small piece of material went around her waist as a belt. Flashes of her soft skin ran through his mind. Her eyes turned golden, She was ethereal, a truly magick woman. As she perceived the smile on his lips, her own lips turned into a smile, fangs peering from her glossed black lips. Her eyes were large, inquistive but deeply wise. He had not a clue what she was doing, but he trusted her, and wanted to take a journey with her. She fascinated him. Her old ways, older than his own, which were quite nature based. He truly wished to know what it was she spoke of, but she seemed to keep things vague, as if she were probing his mind. It was like he had a magickal creature captive in his room. Rather, he was her captive. His green eyes were mildly sedate, his eyelids half lidded, watching this woman, his vampiric maker so long ago. Decades ago. Music played, taking his mind to fantasies, fantasies of her and him. She placed the candle on his dresser, near to his book. It opened by itself, flipping to pages of it's own accord. Stuff like this happened to him all the time, he hardly knew to appreciate it or it's signs, he was a 7, solitary, and grounded, aloof in this material world.
He wanted to ask her about that night suddenly. "Charlotte, you came for me that night," His voice was a low mumble. A man with such anxieties felt very good, almost secure in the bonds she had made. She lunged onto the bed, and he felt her hunger, his own body very lean, yet muscular, and wanting to feed her appetite, but there was a strange clash when they met, as if they were from two different worlds, and it was hard to get through, to speak to her.
Her hand rummaged through his nightstand and she slipped a mask over his eyes, her hand moving through his long red, coppery hair. It settled softly onto his face, vast disappointment filling him, no longer able to perceive her, at least with the eye. But he relaxed into the feeling. Charlotte could smell the Earth upon him, how it loved her Ember. She giggled, and his heart beat, wanting to know what had captured her mind. They felt a similiar coldness, but how it burned when they were together, the ice in their hearts becoming more like a flame. He turned his head to her, but of course couldnt see, relying on psychic ability instead. "Tell me." He insisted. Her hand moved to his heart, and she nibbled softly on his ear. He could feel the directions her mind pulled in, all of them, but he felt on a steady path, a path that was crumbling beneath his feet. "You knew me, you chose me." A giggle of delight left Charlotte, and she admired him, there naked before her, fastened to the bed by her hands with rope. She turned her eyes to his face, which swirled with colors.
"Yes I did." The psychic power in her voice cut through his mentality, which often seemed to wish to escape the Earth. Their connection was sacred to him. Fantasies of intensifying it passed through his head. Cravings to touch her but he could not. He moved a little, breathing slowly, a behaviour that seemed almost alien to him. He could imagine why she had stayed away. He had been violent, a murderer, and more, all negative, which now felt to be a bane to his heart. Drugs had consumed him for many years, even the buying and selling of bodies, prostitutes and slaves alike, prostitutes in which he had owned, and some of his slaves hadn't lived to tell the tale. A smug smirk was on his face, but chills and tremors passed through him slightly. He hated to admit it to himself, but he was almost scared of her power, but in an excited manner, which looked forward to it.
Ugh, his eyes rolled beneath the mask. Whatever was she doing. He felt her hands upon his chest. His breathing came hard. Pleasure coming from his lips, her sharp nails scratching against his chest. "Come on." She stared at him knowingly.
"I did choose you. And not for your looks." She said, her voice like silver, and just as magickal. He grinned. "It was you..From before." She sat onto his chest, drawing up her dress to expose her thighs, and slid down him very slowly. He rolled his head back a bit. Her fingers traced patterns on his chest.
"Yeah, we knew each other before.. My head is filled with tradegy, and torture, and pain.... You know it's all fractured Charlotte.."
"Mhmm.." And he badly wanted to look into her eyes at the tone of her voice, and she surprised him as she lifted the mask. Then he wondered what the fuck had she done? His heart beat wildly out of control. "Oh relax, just trying to help." She nibbled her lip.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Nervousness, inability to type, curiosity, and feelings that this is right? .. Maybe one day I'll look at this and see how much I've grown.
'This feels like punishment from a previous lover....a very magickal and delightful person.... more like a queen of swords. ll never be a good dominant. I read the whole book tonight. Sigh. I'm too much of a man, and scared and shit. I'm nervous. Ok, let me list my good points. I'm familiar with s&m, yet worry of promiscuous and trashy folk [trashy as in drug addicts and alcoholics]....I believe I could set a good ambiance, and atmosphere, if I really tried to come up with it. Music and stuff. Hmm. I'm already nervous and high strung, and add sexual trauma to it. Therapist and such were mentioned and even some resources given. I'm also transgender to make matters worse and well. I have some fantasies but actually doing them? A man that is a good listener would be needed. She emphasized communication so very much in the book. And I agree, and I come from a family that doesn't talk to each other, but I'm a Gemini... so I have that working for me and going against me. I don't actually like sex very much. I'm asexual. Male and female bodies so bore me, but people dont, just when it comes down to sex. Another thing I worry about is I so love pleasing my partner, bringing them to orgasm, almost selflessly. How will I wait? I was a dominant man in s&m and now a traumatized, transgender female. I wouldn't say that then or wherever I was s&m was practiced like it is today. In a healthy manner. This seems almost new age to my old brain. I guess in a way I was a predator, choosing weak women, even in stature, and dominating them. Some I even think I killed when I was through with them. I wish I attended more drag shows loool, that was fun. Hopefully have some confidence rub off from the Queens. Hahaha. Few partners did I ever bring close to my heart and even then close to my soul. I do want to go back and do this in a healthy manner, maybe it will sate my guilt and make me a better, more intellectual and clever person, and give me the deep connections with people I so crave. I just really wish the Earth had magick pumping through it like it did in the olden days. Where I could change gender and my partner could as well. It's not the body I fall in love with but the soul. Damn I feel smarter than God and more evolved than God and shit..... Just going through things that hinder it..... like some kind of slave.. well fuck that. I'm going to be dominant now. I fear my sadism though. Bondage seems to actually frighten me. Maybe some bad experiences.... But here I am, reading about it again. How do I bring that dominant man in my head to embracing all gender and safer practices? "By reading more" I crave feeling the sadistic vibe, wishing I had the ability for quick verbal lashings too. But maybe that could be my strong point. Leaving him hanging on by barely speaking. These outfits doe.. Not working for me. Since Im a man and shit. Sigh. "stop calling yourself a man" ... v-v help me.
fuck you
MANDERMAN
fuck you
MANDERMAN
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